At long last football is back!! After 7 long months of grueling torture, pretending that we care about the other meaningless sports, there is finally light at the end of the tunnel. We are a mere 3 hours away from kicking off the 2017 NFL season and what better way to reign in the new season then with the 2016 super bowl champs!!!
Tom fucking Brady and the New England Patriots open up the season tonight against the Kansas City Chiefs. I for one am more interested in seeing my 5th banner being raised than the inevitable ass-kicking that will surely ensue after. Anyone who thinks that the Chiefs have a chance tonight are more delusional than the morons who think that Travis “Catching” Kelce is even worth the itch on Gronks jock strap.
The rest of the world outside of New England has a hard time wrapping their feeble minds around the fact that the Pats are coming back even better than last year, but that is exactly what they’ve done. And yes I’m not naive enough to think that losing Edelman for the season doesn’t hurt big time because it definitely does. However, the additions of Brandin Cooks, Dwayne Allen, and Stephon Gilmore help soften the blow. Oh…. And I almost forgot about the GOAT… TOM FUCKING BRADY. The ageless wonder will embark on his journey for his 6th super bowl title, and I really don’t see much resistance in his way.
As for tonight’s game, it is nothing more than a formality. Tom Brady will pass for 320+ yards with 4 touchdowns. Rob Gronkowski will haul in 5-7 targets for 95 yards and 2 touchdowns. Our newest weapon Brandin Cooks is looking to have a nice little debut with 120 yards and a nice titty to go along with it. I’ve heard over and over again that the Chiefs have a potent offense but when they put the ball down and the game starts the Pats D will be in complete shutdown mode. Let’s be honest any team trotting out Alex Smith, a perennial game manager has a 0% chance at defeating the Evil Empire.
Pats win 31-14, put it on the board.
This Gronk spike in Madden 18 has me dying laughing 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/j8FJgEUY9K
— 214 (@_WeDemBoyz_) September 6, 2017
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