Well if this isn’t the surprise of 2018 I don’t know what the fuck is. I feel like a news reporter and some dumbass intern (like myself) hands me a paper on live TV and I have to question if this kid is high or not. But alas my fair readers, the Caps have passed the second round! You can hear the jubilee in the streets, you can see the fire rising from D.C. all the way out here. Oh…you can’t? Nothing happened? Not even one telephone pole fell or count of public intoxication? Well Goddamnit, Caps fans. Philly does a better job of celebrating a win in the regular season.
The important thing here to remember is that the newest induction to the Empire of sports (or the axis of evil for those of you who remember Bush), the Pittsburgh Penguins will not be defending their Stanley Cup title…again. Sidney Crosby will be going back to Cole Harbour empty handed. I’m sure he’ll go hang out with Nathan Mackinnon and prank some people at Tim Horton’s or some shit…okay, that sounds like a great fucking time but you all understand what I’m getting at. The only thing that truly breaks my heart about the Penguins losing is I cannot watch Phil The Thrill Kessel for another painstaking four months. Look at this beauty.
Well, The Caps are in and I’m excited to see what they can do, however I don’t think it will be much because this is uncharted territory for them. They all look like the kids walking into Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, unknowing of their impending doom. One thing we can all hope in the Eastern Conference Finals is all of the games go to OT and we can watch TJ Oshie tear it up. I still cream my jeans watching the 2014 Sochi Olympic game against Russia. Anyway, the Caps and Lightning will face off this week for an interesting match up. Also, we are all waiting for the Jets to stop fucking around with the Preds so we can finally move on to the next round. Whoever wins that series will play the Vegas Golden Knights, which is a conspiracy theory in itself. Are the Knights really that good? Or is big Gary playing puppet master behind the curtain so he doesn’t have another expansion franchise disaster *cough* Atlanta.