The Eastern Conference in the NBA is weaker than Donald Trump’s international relations and frankly I’m disgusted. I could rant for hours straight about how bad the conference and it’s players actually are, so instead I’ve compiled an All-Star roster of Hip-Hop superstars that could also be NBA superstars. I can say with confidence that this roster could compete with every team in the Eastern Conference, with the one exception being the Boston Celtics.
Point Guard: Chris Brown
In case you haven’t heard already, Chris Brown is a straight baller. He’s proven over and over again since high school that he’s got the ball on a string when he’s running point. He also brings a respectable size and length at 6’1 to the position. Brown has been a reliable floor general over and over again and also breaks more ankles than album sales records. Brown has an extremely fast first step and lateral quickness on the court and a deadly pull-up jump shot. Chris Brown will lead this roster in assists and prove to be a strong facilitator from the back court. Goodnight haters.
Shooting Guard: Cam’ron
Back in the day, Cam’ron was a top 25 basketball recruit and was scouted heavily by basketball powerhouses like Georgetown and Miami. He is more than qualified to lead this roster to a title and has a basketball IQ that is only rivaled by LeBron James in today’s NBA. I expect him to lead this roster in steals and points, while acting as the leading floor general for the squad. He is best player on this star-loaded roster for a reason and he will light it up from every possible place on the court.
Small Forward: The Game
Standing at a sturdy 6’5, The Game can more than easily bring his game to any NBA court. He is a versatile two-way player that can provide reliable defense against any big man. He has proved his outside shooting ability and ball handling in D-League games before and will bring these skills to the roster. He is a strong addition to this starting lineup and will bring a hot hand from downtown to the team.
Power Forward: 2 Chainz
When 2 Chainz dropped his single “Watch Out” in 2015, I think he was saying to watch out for his skills on the court. He was a Division 1 baller back in the day and stands tall and jacked at 6’5. There is a reason why Damien Lillard featured 2 Chainz on his debut album last year. Lillard respects true ballers and 2 Chainz is nothing short of a true baller. 2 Chainz will lead this team on the defensive end of the floor and will posterize any living thing in front of him on the offensive end. Good morning and good night to anybody that gets in this man’s way.
Why is this rapper’s alias 7’4? If you’re too stupid to have figured out already it’s because this man is actually 7’4. His size is unprecedented and genuinely competes with the size of Centers throughout the NBA today. This man is an absolute monster and looks down at Shaq and Dwight Howard. Yeah, I think I’ll take him at Center. I don’t know or care if he has any formal basketball experience, this man is a no-doubt starter on this roster.
Sixth Man: Waka Flocka
Jacked? Check. Balls Out? Yep. Stands at 6’4? Hell yes. Waka Flocka reminds me of a more likable and athletic version of Jay Crowder and could prove to be a solid energizer and scorer off the bench for this All-Star roster.
Seventh Man: Quavo
Once a highly athletic quarterback, now an equally athletic floor general. Quavo already posses better court vision and ball skills than Point Guards like Dennis Schroder. I expect him to bring strong energy and offense to this team’s back court off the bench.
Eighth Man: Riff Raff
Every team needs a hype white dude to sit on the bench and go nuts whenever somebody gets posterized, and I can’t think of a better candidate for this position than Riff Raff. This dude is jacked as all hell and knows a thing or two about getting hyphy from the WWE. If he goes on the court he’d probably pick up a technical within three minutes, but screw it. This guy has an infectious energy that every team needs coming off the bench. He’ll tip toe in his Jordans all the way to the NBA Finals with this roster.