Let’s start this story off by all being honest with each other. We all do bad things sometimes. Whether it’s stealing a Snickers bar from Target when your mom isn’t looking, or cheating on your foreign language placement exam so you don’t need to take four more years of Spanish in college, we’ve all done wrong before. Obviously, we’ve also all been caught doing something wrong before. And when that happens it’s human instinct to try to cover it up any way you can. Some people play dumb, some people make up wild excuses, but this goalie topped them all by deciding to play dead.
What an all time move. You slide in on a player on a wide open goal chance and when the referee comes over you just pretend to be fully deceased. Wheelchair Paul Pierce is cursing himself for never trying this move. This is a commitment to the flop game that make LeBron and Neymar look like rugby players. You can see him laying there contemplating what to do because he knows he fucked up big time. The ref comes over and starts to take out the red card to send the goalie off. Out of the corner of his one squinted eye the goalie sees that glint of red come out of the ref’s pocket. Immediately, his animal instincts kick in and he plays dead. He goes into full opossum mode and just plays the waiting game. This is a brave choice because everyone takes a minute to call his bluff. The ref and the other players are just waiting for him to get up, but he stays strong. Intensity like you read about. Eye of the (dead) tiger.
My only complaint about this video is that he eventually breaks character. He decides to get up and “shake off” his temporary flat line. If he was truly committed to the game he would have allowed himself to be carried off on a stretcher, brought to a morgue for an autopsy, and then announced “ANDDDD END SCENE!” That’s the type of pageantry The Beautiful Game is all about. People always ask how to solve the flopping issue in soccer. I say, don’t fix it, just fully commit. I want players putting ketchup packets in their socks so they look bloody (S/O Curt Schilling), getting fake teeth to pop out of their mouth, and of course the occasional fake death. Inevitably one person will come along and ruin it by actually dying, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.
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