Dear DEA Agents,
I just wanted to say thank you so much for using $2 million dollars of our tax payer dollars to track down and arrest the 16 year old that was selling marijuana at my local high school. God knows the damage that could’ve been caused by that two grams of marijuana. I’ve heard that much weed is almost enough to have absolutely no repercussions on any living organism on planet Earth. It’s ruthless, drug-dealing kids like that, who are the real problem in society. Why spend our resources tracking down murderers, when there are impoverished kids on the streets selling drugs to get by? Those are real people that we need in jail. I mean, it’s not like as soon as you arrest a drug dealer another one takes his place within a couple hours right? Thank Jesus that we have people like you with perfect moral compasses to solve our drug problem.
There are two primary root causes for drug use in the United States today. The first is poverty and the second is mental health. You do absolutely nothing to help the root causes of the issue. Actually, scratch that, you do everything to make the problems worse. You waste the money of taxpayers, while also allowing the number of users in the United States to increase daily. I know that you probably aren’t smart enough to understand what I mean by that, so allow me to explain in a more simplistic manner. When you waste other people’s money, those people have less money, which means poverty increases. With me so far? Also, when your hobby is to stop people from using drugs, but more people use drugs each proceeding day, then you’re actually wasting everyone’s time! I didn’t use too many big words right?
Your hobby is extremely noble, and you must sleep very well at night knowing that you get to arrest the kids that bullied you in high school. In fact, you’re doing such a good job at arresting your ex-bullies that drug rates have skyrocketed over the past decade! In all honesty, I think that you all should qualify for unemployment benefits because what you do isn’t actually a real job at all. If you miraculously do actually care about helping people, then you should help the tax payers by quitting your job and working at Burger King. At least if you’re working at Burger King, we’ll get out of the drive thru 23 seconds faster and you won’t be wasting all of our money (which we actually earned).
The only thing that I ask of you is that you stop pretending that your past-time actually makes a positive difference in society. You over-populate prisons, dehumanize drug users instead of helping them through their problem and waste our money. Also, I just want to add that I think that it’s blatantly hypocritical that you talk about how drug dealers destroy lives, when you’re the ones putting teenagers in jail for the majority of their lives.
Thank you for wasting my time and I hope that I was able to waste a little bit of yours.